I Tell Lies
by Loceheri
Summary: 1st person POV- Haku One-shot. Haku thinks about life before and after Chihiro.


We all have our little sins. Where I live, the most common is greed. After that, gluttony, laziness, and spitefulness are next. I try not to be guilty of any of those. They are common. My sin is more refined, more subtle. It even becomes a hobby when you spend enough years as a soulless drone for a bathhouse witch. You see, I tell lies.

My career as a liar began a few years ago. I awoke, disoriented and sick, on the shore near the bathhouse. Kamaji found me there. He took me to Yubaba.

She pulled all the right strings, and I danced for her. She wanted me to be scared, and I didn't have to fake that. She wanted me to be angry, and for her, I was outraged. She told me what to want, and I told her those things were my highest priority. I thought I had control of the situation. I didn't. I traded my identity and got nothing more that a mistress and a failing. Gone was the Kohaku River. My name is Haku. I work for Yubaba and I tell lies.

The only thing my lie had gotten me was a little wiggle room, a leash that was one inch longer than Yubaba thought it was. She thought that power was my all-consuming priority, that I would always act in the interest of attaining it and ignore everything else. I had to keep lying to make her keep thinking that. It wasn't enough that I lie to her. I had to lie to Kamaji, and to Lin, and to the headman of the bathhouse. I had to lie to Boh, and to the servants and to the patrons. Soon there wasn't anyone left that I hadn't sold my lies to. I had to tell more lies to cover the first and more again to keep up the façade. I trusted no one.

It began to work on me. My personality changed. Always serious, I grew sullen, quick to anger, and haughty. I saw the changes, and I hated myself for them. That made me more sullen, angry, and haughty.

Then, Chihiro came. I tried to get her to leave, simply because I knew what happened to humans. She didn't make it before the water rose. I saw her standing by that water, terrified as her hand became transparent while she watched. I don't know what it was about her that reached me, except that I remembered standing on that same shore, scared and bewildered and wondering what I was going to do. Before I knew what I was doing, I had acted. I kept her from disappearing, hid her from view, and got her across the bridge and into the bathhouse. It was only as I walked away from her hiding place that I realized I had made it through a full conversation with someone without telling a single lie. It was nice.

The next time I saw Chihiro, I was taking her downstairs to be put to work. Unlike Yubaba, I knew what went on in that bathhouse, so I knew that Lin had already helped her once. I decided in the elevator to leave her in Lin's care. She would make sure that Chihiro, now known as Sen, was safe, fed, and out of trouble.

I hated having to show her my cold persona then, but she bore it surprisingly well and never held it against me. Several times in those few days did she lower her eyes and say softly, "Yes, Master Haku". Yet the next time we were alone, she would hug me tightly about the waist, or neck if she could reach it, as though I had not threatened to tread on her if she didn't get out of my way only twenty minutes before. I liked that. I also liked not telling her lies. I resolved that I wouldn't lie to her

She saved my life. I couldn't believe it. Not only that, she confidently took on the terror of the bathhouse and won, taking the creature on the train with her. I was so proud of her, so grateful. Rid of Yubaba's spell, I felt the anger and bitterness melt off of me. I knew I could never repay her, but I had to try. A small part of me wished I didn't have to, but I knew it was time to have a talk, the first of many, with Yubaba.

When I went to collect Chihiro, she was so happy to see me well that it almost made me cry. When she said my name, my real name, my heart was full to bursting. I hadn't known that it was possible to love her more than I already had, but I think I managed.

I hated it that she had to go. I hated it almost as much when she turned to me and said, "Will I ever see you again?" What could I say? The truth hurt me enough for both of us. It would hurt her unnecessarily. Knowing Chihiro, she might want to stay, and she wouldn't be allowed to. I couldn't bear to fight with her, force her across. Besides, it was more than I could do to look into her face and tell her that once she crossed that riverbed she would forget about the spirit world, about me. She had saved my life, restored my soul, and given me back my name. In return, I did all I could for her. I saved her a moment's pain. I broke my resolve. I lied to her. As usual, it was a lie that wouldn't hurt anyone but me.

Chihiro didn't know that I was a liar. She took me at my word and crossed the river. I watched her go for as long as I could. I didn't know what I would do. Staying with Yubaba was out of the question.

Chihiro saved me from ever having to go back to the way I had lived. She gave me control of my life back. I wish her happiness with everything I have. No lie.


End file.
